5 stars for me

After Noah comes out as gay, an anonymous closeted classmate reaches out in solidarity and they begin corresponding. When they meet up irl, Noah discovers they are

Spoiler

his best friend Parker

, and that both boys have been in unrequited love with each other for many years. Life should be perfect, but between homophobic schoolmates and religious parents, can these two best-friends-turned-boyfriends find a happy ending?

Queer stories don't have to have happy endings, but A Mark on My Soul is very much in the 'not only will you suffer because you are gay, you are gay so you will suffer' camp.

I don't think this was purposefully written to be an emotionally manipulative story, but the issues with structure and pacing made it feel that way to me. What reads at first like a gradual coming out novel, with a slow burn best-friends-to-lovers romance arc, suddenly plummets into something much sadder, involving conversion therapy, homophobic parents, religious abuse, and suicide. I felt as though important developments such as Noah's parents' acceptance of his sexuality were skipped over, and because we never meet Parker's parents on the page until after

Spoiler

Parker commits suicide

, they feel like a nebulous presence in the life of the story. Perhaps this could have been explored had Parker shared a PoV with Noah, which I think the story would have benefitted from, so we could see more of what was going on in Parker's head towards the end of the story and his rapid spiral into depression and suicidality.

Bearing in mind what he's experiencing, nothing about Parker's arc is unbelievable, but it happens over the course of 5-10% of the whole book, which really isn't enough time to dedicate to such a serious and long-lasting choice. Very little time is given to Noah's grief following Parker's death, and I felt as though the story wrapped up far too neatly, with Parker's father suddenly realising the error of his ways now it's too late to save his son. Especially with the story being best friends to lovers, who have loved each other for years unrequited, the novel really feels like a shallow tragedy written for easy tears, rather than spending time engaging in the deeper themes of religious abuse, the experience of suicidality, and the lasting impact of grief. When complex themes like these are just scattered into a book, without adequate examination or emotion, I end up being left disappointed as a reader.

I'm finding an unfortunate pattern in Jordon Greene books of 'jokes' that I really don't think are acceptable. In EWYNS, there was a joke about sex trafficking. In this book, there's a joke about Anne Frank. The scene doesn't call for it, as there could be countless 'gotcha' comebacks that would work in place of the joke used, and I just end up side-eyeing the story like, really?

Anyone who reads JG knows he fully embraces reclaiming the f-slur and uses it liberally, both thrown at characters who are being bullied and used between themselves in reclamation. That's his right, and even though reading those exchanges make me uncomfortable, I recognise he can use the f-slur as much as he wants in his own books. What I don't think is ok is for him to be putting the word 'colored' in the mouth of his Black character, even if it's used sarcastically, because at the end of the day it's still a white author using that word, and it removes agency. Same with the random ableist language that was completely unnecessary. Just because you're a queer writer, you don't get a free pass to use language like 'I nod my head sp*****ally'. This is one of the very worst words you can use in reference to a disabled person. I didn't think it was even the kind of word Noah would use as a character, considering he's supposedly so shy, mature, and academic.

cw: suicide; main character death; minor character death; f-slurs; ableist slur; racist slur; homophobic bullying; conversion camp threat; conversion therapy; religious parents; unsupportive parents

hello??? the ending